"Um, it's a nice story. A bit long. But can't we get an update in Lem? And how dud your wife hold out during your ordeal?"If you are asking for an update "in Lem" I'm assuming you're referring to the parasite that lives in him. There's nothing new to report there. Their symbiotic relationship continues to grow and I think they're quite fond of each other. They're currently working on a ventriloquist act.As fo my "Wife", I don't have a "Wife". If I had a "Wife" I wouldn't be sitting on a Sasquatch Pole on a Saturday night after spending the day stuffing sausages. It's been difficult for me to find a woman like my dear mother - or any woman for that matter. The town of Angus Hat has no women. The nearest females are at the Uranium mining town of Uranium City. The place is lit up twenty four hours a day - and they have no street lights, just the soft green radiation glow.The women there also glow, but not because of pride; When they go to the beach in bathing suits over at the Arm river, You can see through them like an Xray! That's why their undergarments are made of Lead. Needless to say, they go to the beach but not in the water, as they will tend to sink. The effects of the Uranium go even further: There isn't a single woman under eight feet tall!But enough about me; time to get back to my story. As previously mentioned I rolled willy nilly and helter skelter down a hillock and smack dab into a large pyramid shaped mound!I have included a detailed drawing I rendered from memory of what this monolith looked like:
It was twelve feet tall and twelve feet wide (interesting...). Multiplying the width and height give us the number one hundred and forty four.If you add each digit you get the number nine. My heart began to beat wildly as a thought came to me: nine is the number of toes I have! Was there a connection? Did I really lose my toe in the sausage grinder when I tried to multi-task that fateful Tuesday twenty years ago or... was I abducted by cattle mutilating extra terrestrials who surgically removed it for their nefarious probes and experiments? I do remember that there were seventeen minutes I couldn't account for that day. I had much to ponder - I had to use all my experience and skill as a paranormal investigation theorist to get to the bottom of this mystery. Another question that arose was "Why a pyramid?" Is it possible that ocean-going Egyptian argonauts sailed across from Africa, landed on the east coast, built wagons and crossed the country to this area of Saskatchewan? We know for a fact that Egyptians sailed to Central America and introduced the fajita and flan to the natives there. How far fetched is it to assume that they traveled up here?I got up and searched around for clues that could support my theory. I was looking for anything remotely connected with ancient Egypt - perhaps a sarcophagus or maybe camel bones, or possibly something made with garbonza beans.I had to curtail my investigation as it was beginning to get dark. It was then that I noticed that I wasn't alone. There was something out there, hovering in the distance!
(to be continued)
5 comments:
Hi Blitz.
I once knew this person in a Mennonite community in Saskatchewan who was a descendant of the ancient Egyptians. His name was Tutankhamun Klippenstein, and he would tell wild tales from his ancestors, and show me his shed filled with...YES!... CAMEL BONES...! Everything you say is true, Blitz. 100% true.
Gather round, kids. Settle down now. And no hitting. I'm going to tell you a story about the way that Mr. Blitz Krutthammer's recent radioactive-themed diatribe installment is clear and simple dupery.
For those of you who like to eat dessert before soup, my conclusion at the end of this letter is going to be that there is more at play here than Blitz's purely political game of propitiating the most litigious lowbrows you'll ever see for later eventualities.
Before we start, I ought to remind you that only the impartial and unimpassioned mind will even consider that he is extremely deluded. In fact, my handy-dandy Delude-O-Meter confirms that I do not find jibes that are self-deceiving, sententious, and oleaginous to be "funny".
Maybe I lack a sense of humor, but maybe it takes more than a mass of deluded prevaricators to search for solutions that are more creative and constructive than the typically anti-democratic ones championed by capricious, brown-nosing adolescents. When Mr. Blitz Krutthammer yips about his accomplishment, he somehow fails to mention that he has lost contact with reality.
That's all I'm going to say for now, because if I were to write everything I want to write, I'd be here all day long.
John Fastendin
Just thanks for answering my question, Mr. Krutthammer. I though you were a married man; sorry about that! If we can't know more about Lem, at least help us understand about Pearly!
Also, were those 17 missing minutes anything to do with what happened in the barn back in '78?
Don
Im upset. Megan told my pictures were on her computer and I thot she was lying at me. but my crayon picture is on your page the one about mounds. I tryed clicking to take it off but it's still their. Thats mine!!! Give it back its mine.
Annie
I am 6 and haf year olds
Hello. This is Megan's mother. Megan is the little girl who wrote you last week. I want to sincerely apologize for my daughter's comment, and for her accusation that you stole her crayon drawings. Megan is an impetuous little girl, and we love her dearly, but she can jump to conclusions. Her crayon drawings are quite similar to the ones you have on display on your interesting blog, but I explained to her that they are not the same. Sorry for the trouble.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Lattis (Megan's Mum)
Post a Comment